When all is said and done, it's all about sex. As humans we have a natural drive to love and be loved, and to express love through our physical bodies. When one mentions the word "sexual abandon" however, we in our puritanical cultures have been programmed to bring forth negative images and feelings, rather than calling forth the natural pleasure centers that god designed us to have, use and experience.
We are such a guilt ridden society, plagued with the imposition of hundreds of years of perverted rules, to try and control and dictate what good or right, correct or proper pleasure is... which usually is little or no pleasure at all.
Sexual energy is perhaps the most powerful force that human beings have to encounter and those of us in western American culture don't have much of a clue on how to deal with it, other than to perpetuate myths like, "well if it feels too good, it must be wrong or sinful". Masturbate and you'll go blind.
We avoid dealing with the subject when it comes to our adolescents, because in reality, as adults we don't know much more to say than to give a few instructions on the "plumbing" of sex, or some quick drive by advice like, "be sure and use a condom". Truth be told the average westerner hasn't much of a clue about their sexual energies, real full body pleasure or what real love making is all about.
We, after all, should be attempting to pass on to our children the beauty and passion of real lovemaking? Instead out of fear that our teens might have sex and create unwanted pregnancies, we just don't talk about it, or we perpetuate myths.
I wonder, even in the time leading up to the marriage of our children, how many of us have even breached the subject of pleasure with our betrothed young adults. No, instead our sexuality remains behind locked doors, as if mom and dad never had sex at all. Tragically, as a result, our children never, or probably hardly ever, see mom and dad kiss or hug, or express much affection at all.
Seems to me however we need another sexual revolution in our culture today. Those of us that came up in the first revolution in the 60's and 70's really should be ashamed of ourselves. We supposedly threw off the shackles and should be teaching our teens how to make love, what our sexual energies are all about. Instead we have embraced materialism of the 80's and 90's and have dutifully assigned the task to our schools which ends up just being a glorified sexual organ biology class. The feeling, the passion, the ecstasy is only mentioned, if at all, in passing for fear our teems might have some fun.
Centuries ago eastern thinkers recognized an energy flow, an electricity in our bodies related to sexual activity and they wrote much about it. The Tantrics of India, and the Taoists of China and Japan proclaimed that embracing our built in pleasure centers was the key to a long and fulfilling life. They rejected the idea that sex was only right within marriage, and outside was wrong, evil, or sinful. They boldly proclaimed that sexual ecstasy and abandon was simply natural human concepts and should be explored without inhibitions and embraced without guilt or shame.
They taught that multiple orgasms, female ejaculation, full body orgasms lead to an altered state of consciousness. (Can anyone say "subspace")
They celebrated sex, our "modern" western culture whispers as if we are ashamed of our sexuality.
We are so inhibited when it comes to sex, we think that having a spiritual experience related to our physical pleasure is somehow deviant or even for nutcases. Western civilization and its religionists have convinced us that anything that feels good or pleasurable in the body in a product of sinful flesh, that we must abandon the flesh for spiritual things. Western culture and its religion have perfected the art of controlling people using a devise called "shame". They have conned us into believing that if we were truly spiritual, we would not need or want sex, compliments of the Apostle Paul who exhorted his disciples to marry and burn if you just have to, but ideally we should be like him, more "spiritual" and not need such fleshly appetites like sex. So convinced of his exhortation we have a whole system of priests in our churches that are forbidden to marry, as they must not be distracted, an must be of a higher spirituality. What a perversion and denial of the beautiful creation we humans are. I think God is sad seeing his marvelous design being neglected and misunderstood. He intended sex for pleasure. Wouldn't it be wonderful if people just embraced that and were able to abandon themselves to it?
The eastern teachers told us that the body, mind and spirit are all interconnected, and it is right, and indeed God ordained to use our bodies as they were designed.
They taught that there is a marvelous energy or electricity flow in our bodies that can move incredible pleasure from the anus area in our pelvis up to the top of our heads down to the floor of our pelvis and swirl back up and out again through the head in a system they developed called meridians and chakras. They called this incredible state of sexual pleasure "kundalini rising".
They were right. Yet few know anything of it. We are just scratching the surface of embracing sexual abandon in our relationship.
Sadly, because of these sick puritanical teachings we are ingrained with inhibitions that for many, are simply never able to get past and enjoy simple sexual pleasure. I have known couples who divorced simply because they could not deal with pleasure. We usually call that "middle age crazies" when one partner wants to feel, and the other shuts down. So they implode. One partner begs the other for pleasure, the other is incapable of giving or embracing as unexplained guilt grips them, and fear that they are doing something wrong or sinful.
Those of us who are in the BDSM world know about pain induced pleasure, as the infliction of pain triggers powerful chemicals in our brains called "endorphins", which bring about a euphoric state of pleasure. So we submit our bodies to flaggelation with floggers, whips, canes and paddles all to produce a natural chemical sexual high. The vanilla world thinks we are just sick deviants, but more and more are discovering the pleasure in what the people of S/M do. Recently a "Psychology Today" article touted the benefits of such activity, along with the fantasy role play as being very emotionally healthy for us.
Long distance runners know all about this brain chemical called "endorphins", as the same euphoric pleasure is triggered as one challenges the body over the miles. The long distance runners especially find an addiction to jogging those 10, 15, 20 mile distances. Yes, people truly become addicted to running, because after a while, pain becomes pleasure.
Restraints and Pleasure
But what about those of us who get off on restraints? Ok, so you cuffed or tied her up. What do you do next? What's pleasurable about that? For some who enjoy metal or leather restraints, (and even some who are into a cruel or sadistic rope style) there is great pleasure in being unable to avoid being hit with the sensations of floggers and whips.
I have taught or worked with other D/s couples trying to share with them "The Way" of Japanese Rope, as I experience it. More than a few times the female sub wants to be tied up, but as she screams for the sensuality of the ropes the Dominant male simply doesn't get it. He thinks, ok, we have her tied up, now lets flog her. She has begun an inner mystical journey of pleasure, and he thinks if he does not whip her its of no value. Wrong. I have Doms do just that, and it breaks the sub right out their space. If a sub could kill, this would be the moment. I have literally had a couple of submissives stop the scene, turn to their dominant and say, would you stop that leave me the fuck alone!
So what's going on? My way of Japanese Rope does not need or want external infliction of pain to produce pleasure. The pleasure produced by my way of Japanese Rope is entirely different. It is a self -triggered internal pleasure, a spiritual journey, as the mind opens up the energy pathways, the endorphins are called out and begin to move. Slowly from a warmth to a raging inferno deep inside, the submissive enters into a deep state of consciousness, exploding with a most powerful energy that few understand.
Japanese Rope plays the role of making the captive "be still". That's right be still. The rough hemp ropes demand the captive to not struggle, but to surrender the will and embrace the ropes. Once restrained, in the stillness, the Bondager is a guide who takes his captive on a meditative journey of intense pleasure. I have see it numerous times where the captive, motionless, so embraced by the ropes, motionless, she finds a "sexual abandon" she has never thought possible. She can do nothing else, but surrender herself to the ropes, embrace the ropes and let the rope bring a balance and a powerful sense of well being, often resulting in quaking orgasms without any external stimulation.
So the irony is that in captivity, restrained she finds soul's release, the ultimate pleasure.